Second best

Good evening 

Hey guys sorry I havent written in a while alots been going on, the amitriptyline I have to take for pain helps my headaches but not my dizziness, im waiting on a reference leter to the hospital to see a neurologist fun times.
Anxirty has been decent not thr best but not the worst so im coping, I got a job at a spa ive been there for a month now ans I do 3 days a week and I really enjoy it but it's tiring.

My brothers fiance moved in with us and its been about 3 weeks and ....... I did like her and I was excited about her moving in but now I feel like second best to my parents, ever since shes moved in they act differently there not as laid back as they used to be their like to happy if that makes sense like their trying to hard, my dad used to have nice little Talks with me but now he has them with her and just moans at me, he seems more on edge with me and moans to me about being cold he will just say "put more clothes on then" and im sat there in jeans and 3 jumpers, everything I do irritates him, and with ny mum I used to have talks with her And spend time with her but not anymore, Im always in my bedroom and I can always hear them talking and laughing, she will help mum with dinner which is what I used to do, if I go spend time with mum shes there and they will talk like im not there I cant get a word in. It Hurts, I had a cold the other week and a slight stomach bug and I didnt eat anything but no one asked how I was I fell asleep in the middle of the day woke up a few hours later did anyone ask if I was okay? No, my mum used to give me hugs when I was ill but she didnt, I was pretty much ignored when I was ill.

Just had dinner, and as you no im a beauty therapist so I got loads of nail varnishes,  anyway at dinner my bros fiance says "I got like a bucket of nail varnish ill go get it " and brings it Out and was showing me all and my mum was like " Ohhh woooowww thats loads blimey" and im thinking I have more than that, I just wanted to say " wow you got a bucket of cheap nail varnishes,  really not that impressive as ive got a bigger box if proper long lasting varnishes" but I didnt because I'm not a bitch.

I feel completely replaced,  my mum goes to her now if she has a question or something funny to say instead of me, if I didnt come out of my room they wouldnt care, ive totally been replaced im second best.
I rarely see my brother and I miss him so much! We dont talk anymore have little jokes or hang out, I feel like I dont belong in my own house ane the only person that cares is my boyfriend. 

It doesnt help my anxiety either. On my birthday the 13th of march all the talk was about the wedding, didnt even feel like a birthday I feel like ive missed it this year.

Anyone got any advice?
:'( Thanks
Pearlbeauty01

Hey.....

So my new pill amitriptyline I have to take for migraines and dizziness, I'm literally In tears because I'm terrified to take it I really don't want to but feel like I have to, I don't think it's worth the risk, I've Google things about it and literally every person has said it's given them a numb tounge so now I keep thinking I'll choke on it in my sleep or because my Tounge will be numb that if I swallow I will like swallow my tounge and choke, and apparently it makes you put on weight and not like a little bit like contraceptives but I mean you could be 6st
and in a month you will be 12 and extremely over weight, someone said this happened and they have been off it a year and is still over weight.

People have said it made them more dizzy and extreme fatigue, made there limbs feel heavy and drunk like, felt like they had a hangover and  crapy the next day.

I feel like I'm being forced to take it even though I'm not I feel like I have to but I'm crying I'm literally terrified to take it.

Has anyone else had it?
:(
Pearlbeauty01

Good evening 

I still haven't taken those pills and it's been 2 days I read up on it and it's given people nightmares and it makes your tounge numb, I'll take it to night but I'm scared.
I also read that it treats neurological pain, so pain your thinking is there when it isn't, pain caused but stressed but nothing actually physical which I thought was interesting maybe my doctor thinks I'm thinking it because of my anxiety bit why would I think a migraine and dizziness on ?

On a different note it's my birthday in march 13th which I'm excited for I'm gonna be 19 I have a birthday wishlist on amazing right and you can find other people's wish lists, you click on wish lists then find a wish list and put in the persons email address and you can see what they want for Xmas or birthdays and when you buy it it goes of their wish list so no one else can buy it! How awesome is that ?!

See ya next time
Pearlbeauty01

anxiety and doctors

Good evening 

Hey guys I no I haven't written in a while I haven't felt like it, my dizziness has gotten a bit out of control but I'm learning to keep calm and use cucumbers on my eyes and lavender essential oil on my for head and to smell in with deep breathes, this seems to calm me and helps with the dizzy and anxiety 
 I had the doctors the other day and she wants me to try this pills called amitriptyline, to take one before bed that should help with my headaches but she said if I take it to late the next morning I will feel like I have a hangover, all groggy, and it's got a sedative in it so it will help me sleep...... A sedative ? That worrys me a bit, she also said she's going to talk to a brain specialist at the hospital and see if he thinks I need a brain scan which also scares me.

I got a job!  At this spa I had an interview last week and they called to say they want to offer me a part time position of 2 days a week and full time when I finish college ahhhh she needs a reference from my college tutor and a past boss and when she gets them they will make an offer I'm so excited I finally get a chance !

Thanks for reading.
Pearlbeauty01

Ohh godddddd!!!!

Good evening guys

So I had my interview at the spa today..... I think it went well I talked with the manager then had to do a massage and paint one of the girls nails, the therapist seemed to like what I did and everyone was really nice, they said they had more interviews in the week and would give me a call In the week, but I don't no I'm not getting my hopes up because I didn't get a good vibe from them but we will see.

So I got really dizzy today like I can't even explain it, I was lying down and sat up and I was literally wobbling it felt like my brain was wobbling like a bobble head. It was like my brain was a balloon that just floated around and moved and couldn't get balance, it felt like when I moved I went dizzy and wobbly and had to wait for my Brian to catch up with my body, maybe it's the pill I went back on it last night.

Well we will see how the day goes  tomorrow.
Byyeeeeee.
Pearlbeauty01

I can't do this anymore I'm driving myself crazy I'm so dizzy it's unreal, pressure in my head, pressure behind my right eye, I can't concentrate, my head is throbbing I keep googling if it could be a learning disability or eye problem or something, I'm going crazy but I no me getting anxious about it is making it worse.....
I need to calm down.

figuring out anxiety

Good evening

Hey guys i no i havent written in a few days, lately i just have no motivation to do anything, i skipped college on wednesday because i just couldnt be bothered to go in, when i was with my boyfriend i wanted to do something but i couldnt be bothered to do anything, i dunno i wanted to get out the house and go somewhere but there is nothing to do where i live, i couldnt be bothered to go to the shop, play the wii, lay in bed, or even watch a movie, i dunno what i wanted to do i just no i couldnt be bothered to do anything, if that makes sense, i just have no motivation lately, i feel like i wanna go back to my therapist and scream for him to help me even though nothings wrong! I got a call from a spa 2 days ago that want to interview me and i was putting off calling them because as much as i want a job i just have no motivation to go get one and i cant be bothered to get out of bed, i did call them back today and i have an interview with them next thursday at 9am.

I think its because i keep getting dizzy, alot, ever since my dr put on back on the pill my dizziness has been worse, i would say all this less of motivation is hormones but i havent taken the pill in 2 days because its making me dizzy, but then again i might be dizzy because im laying around in bed all day watching movies on my tablet, giving myself a head ache, yet im to scared to do anything or go outside or go shopping in case i get dizzy, i want a job but im to scared to get one in case i get dizzy at work and nearly faint or something, now i dont no if its to do with anxiety as well, maybe its taking over again, maybe its my anxiety making me afraid to go outside in case i get dizzy, so instead i stay inside and do nothing but be afraid to be dizzy.......that actually makes alot of sense, its like history is repeating itself but with something different, with my eating issues i was to scared to eat in case i choked, this time im to scared to go outside or do anything but lay in bed in case i get dizzy. 
And now lack of motivation makes sense, its not lack of motivation....its me being afraid to do anything in case i get dizzy and nearly faint, its me letting my anxiety take over my life like i let it take over before.

My dr said that if the dizzyness gets to the point where it stops me from doing everyday things in my life then to let her know and go back.
My therapist said if i ever relapsed back to not eating because i was scared then to always remember our sessions i had with him, i think i have relapsed but not with eating, with being dizzy, to scared to go outside coz im dizzy or do anything in case i get dizzy, letting my anxiety take over coz im scared. when i had the eating issues i was in a cycle of being scared and scared to eat which my therapist got me out of by doing the one thing i was scared of, eating, now im back in a cycle to scared to go outside in case i get dizzy and when i got outside i get so anxious that i make myself dizzy so i go back inside.... see im stuck in another cycle that i need to get out of, and i hope i can do this on my own without the need for a therapist.

So im gunna start going outside more and stop caring about being dizzy, im gunna go to my interview with a positive attitude and im gunna stop lounging around in my bedroom feeling sorry for myself, even though im scared sometimes taking a jump is the only thing that will get you out of your cycle.
Sometimes being scared is okay, it will push you to do the right thing because you dont wanna be scared any more so you gotta take the jump and do what you no is right.

Thanks for listening, if you ever need a chat dont be afraid to email me.
Take the jump.
Pearlbeauty01